[ An astonishingly vital reminder, for how close he came to not surviving. Perhaps it's a little hypocritical, for how swift he is to remind Nanami of the tenacity of his own survival, the sheer, unparalleled strength of will, and yet look at his own as simply a miracle. He should be dead, but that's true of them both, so many times over, it's not worth counting anymore.
Maybe that's part of it, too. At some point along the way, he got so used to the notion that he should be dead that it lost all meaning until he actually did die and came back. When he's in top form, he has no issue claiming that as a victory, brushing it off and ignoring the cloying sensation at the back of his brain. But in moments like this...
His snow-white eyelashes fall like a curtain, gaze heavily lidded, focused on the sound of Nanami's voice, of how his chest rumbles as he speaks. This is real and you're here, with me. ]
I've heard that one before. [ Soft, spoken into the intimate space between them, that belongs to them only. Fingers curl tighter into the front of Nanami's pajamas. ] Tell it to my subconscious...
[ It's the one part of himself he can't exercise perfect control. Sure, he could abuse his reverse cursed technique and sleep as little as possible, but that's hardly ideal, and besides...then he'd have to sacrifice these tender moments, and those he isn't willing to give up for the world.
[ It's true, when their situations are reversed, when Nanami is the one left with a rapidly beating heart and a wonder for his survival, Gojo is there to assure him that he deserves it, that he fought for it. It's a reassuring thing to hear for Nanami, to know that he earned his right to still be alive despite everything he's gone through. In spite of everything he's gone through. And so he aims to be just as reassuring for Gojo on nights like these.
But he also knows Gojo sometimes isn't as reassured as he is by the sentiment. Sees his own survival as a fluke rather than a right. Nanami can only say so much to that because it's true in its own way. They're both so lucky to still be here, to have another chance at life and even though they fought for it too β a large part of it is still luck.
At Gojo's words, Nanami lets out an amused huff because he knows how hard it is to convince the deepest, darkest part of you of what's true and what's not. That's why they're here in the first place, isn't it? There's no real shaking it off and moving on. It just gets buried and they grow around it instead.
Then there's his question and before Nanami answers, he lifts his hand from where it's laced with Gojo's fingers and cups his cheek instead. His thumb tenderly strokes his cheek and he leans in to press their mouths together in a sweet, soft kiss for just a moment. When the kiss breaks, he bumps his nose with Gojo's and lingers in his space with a soft sigh. ]
It will. The nightmares will become less frequent. The fear will grip your heart less. It just takes time. One step, then another.
[ There's few abstract concepts that Gojo hates more than luck, and pinning something like their very lives on something as intangible and fleeting as luck feels like a betrayal to everything they've fought for, killed for, almost died for. Yet what else can they call it? It sure as hell isn't divine intervention, and he stopped believing in fate a long time ago. So...luck it is, for lack of a better word, and no matter his distaste for it, he won't take it for granted.
He won't ever take any of this for granted again. For all he teases and pouts and whines to Nanami on a daily basis, it comes from a place of unyielding affection, for him; he's always made himself the biggest problem for the people he loves the most. It's a part of their push and pull, but it's far more deliberate than he lets on β he will never give more than he takes, or take more than he gives. Not when he still has the chance to be happy, to not be alone.
So Nanami's kiss is returned with warmth that speaks of something deeper than Gojo knows how to put into words, that occupies more space within him than Infinity ever could. ]
And then another, and another... [ He adds on, a ghost of a smile on his lips, fleeting. Like a cat, he butts the bridge up against his partner's, slow and affectionate. ] How are you so sure?
[ They're both hardened realists, forced to be, but he likes the sound of it. Of time making things easier. Maybe Nanami is right, and this time...it will be different.
[ Nanami's never viewed himself as much of a caretaker, of someone to go to for comfort. But he finds himself honored when he's in this space with Gojo, when Gojo seeks him out and his company and his comfort. It's been a gift, as part of their relationship, and not one Nanami is keen on squandering. So when Gojo kisses him back and he feels that warmth from him, Nanami only presses back with something of a smile on his lips in return.
When Gojo responds by bumping up into him as well, Nanami just presses another kiss against the corner of his mouth, gives him another nuzzle. There's something so freeing about being able to share his affection with the other man even at nights like these where things feel cold and lonely. If Nanami is able to change that even a little bit for Gojo, he has succeeded.
His question gets an amused huff from Nanami and he lifts a shoulder in a shrug, sinking down against Gojo and nuzzling his face into his hair lightly. Then his head drops against the pillow Gojo is using, sharing it now and letting their eyes meet in the darkness like that. ]
I'm not but ... I only know that the grief has gotten easier for me. I can only hope it will do the same for you.
[ He thinks about Haibara, how angry and scared he was after the other boy died. How it was a big part of why he ran away. Yet the more time passed, the more action he took to feel like he had control over his life again β even returning to being a sorcerer helped β the more he felt like he made his peace with Haibara's death. The more he felt like he could keep moving forward.
Cautiously, quietly, the hand on Gojo's cheek moves to his neck and Nanami scoots forward a little until their noses are almost touching, their eyes making eye contact in the dark. Then, his voice, so tender β ]
[ For sorcerers, time is such a precious commodity, something to be treasured and used wisely, because there's no telling when their time will run out, which moments might be their last. However, that's no longer as true as it once was, and the threats they face have quieted down. It's hard not to get sucked into the cycle of dread, waiting for the other shoe to fall while things look good for the present, but when he thinks about it...they do have time, don't they? Time to heal. Time to spend together. Time to love. Luxuries that are so hard to afford in their line of work, and yet here they are.
Nanami's gaze is piercing, even in the darkness, and his words likewise; a fluttering warmth swells up in Gojo's chest, as it always does when he hears those words. When he's reminded that he's loved β that he's worth loving. There are few things so purely uncomplicated that can cut right to his heart like those three words.
He exhales, silent but for the gentle gust of breath that brushes Nanami's lips. ]
Kento...I love you, too.
[ It's a privilege to tell him, to remind him. He doesn't do it enough, but each time he does, his voice is raw with unfettered affection. He lets his eyes fall shut for a moment, simply...breathing, collecting the remaining vestiges of panic from his nightmare, the fingers of one hand curling into the fabric of his partner's shirt.
[ It was a moment there. A heavy one where their vows of loved were exchanged and held in the moment between them. Nanami continued to hold tenderly to Gojo's neck, to feel the pulse beating underneath his fingertips and feel it slow as the nightmare drifted away from Gojo and he began to come back to himself properly.
Which is why when Gojo breaks the moment with his usual brand of frivolity, Nanami does not get upset. No, he just gives the smallest smile in the dark before pulling back and beginning to push up from the bed. ]
Would you prefer herbal or black tea? Sweet, I presume.
[ He's going to take a moment before he gets out of bed, sitting up in his spot as he is, to run his fingers through Gojo's hair. A soft, gentle caress as he waits for the answer to his question. When he gets it, that's when he'll pull his hand back to move out of the bed, sitting on the edge to get his slippers back on his feet before pushing up from the mattress to start heading to the kitchen. ]
[ Left with such sweet, affectionate touch, Gojo has no recourse but to follow close behind Nanami out of the bed. Funny how someone who spends so much of his life an infinity away from others would be clingy when afforded the opportunity to be so, but in contrast to the playfulness in his tone, he snags Nanami's fingers in his own as he slips off the bed too, rubbing the corner of his palm at his sleep-dusty eyes. It's...so much easier to keep the shadows in their corners like this. ]
Hehe, you spoil me. [ You asked, Gojo!! ] Herbal for me...with the usual.
[ So, yes, sweet, the "usual" being some ungodly number of sugar cubes. Nanami didn't even really need to ask β Gojo would enjoy anything he brewed up for him, but the fact that he asks at all, even when he knows is just like him, isn't it? He's always so attentive, so caring, even if it isn't always in the ways people easily recognize.
Utterly unapologetic, Gojo clings to Nanami's hand as they make their way into the kitchen, his other arm winding around his partner's bicep, head leaning down against his shoulder. ]
Won't make it too hard for you to make it if I stay like this, hm?
[ It's funny because Nanami comes off as the type to draw strict boundaries, to not let anyone too close. But like this, with Gojo winding his fingers through his own and clinging tight to his arm, Nanami doesn't... mind? He doesn't mind at all. In fact, he might even enjoy it though he wouldn't exactly admit that out loud.
So, yes, Gojo barnacles himself to Nanami as they walk through the hall to the kitchen and Nanami only responds by turning his head and brushing his lips against Gojo's forehead as Gojo rests his head against his shoulder. ]
You're fine.
[ There's warmth in Nanami at the blatant affection being shown to him and he just feels pleased by it. He'll take it slow as he moves around the kitchen as a result, not wanting to dislodge Gojo. He moves to fill up with the electric kettle and get two mugs down from the cabinet along with the tea and the little jar of sugar cubes that is just for Gojo.
When he's done and just waiting for the water to boil, he'll just stand there, his head leaning against Gojo's as they wait together. ]
Hm...not in the mood to push me away by the face? You are feelin' soft tonight.
[ As though Gojo himself isn't feeling equally as soft, but unlike Nanami, he wears his aloofness differently. Nanami is structured and formal, Gojo chaotic and personal, yet he never let anyone too close, either. Well...most anyone. There are those who were already close to him before his walls went up, those who understood who he was, and who he is now. Maybe Nanami didn't always voluntarily sit in that seat, but he does so now. He stays, because he wants to, not out of some sense of obligation.
He's choosing to let Gojo close, to cling to him, and it means more than Gojo knows how to put into words. He's always been much better at expressing himself like this, anyway, with action.
His lips part to say something else, but he refrains, for once letting the peaceful silence settle like a blanket around them, listening only to the sound of Nanami's breathing, the rhythm of his heart.
It's nice to appreciate the quiet every now and again, too. ]
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no subject
Maybe that's part of it, too. At some point along the way, he got so used to the notion that he should be dead that it lost all meaning until he actually did die and came back. When he's in top form, he has no issue claiming that as a victory, brushing it off and ignoring the cloying sensation at the back of his brain. But in moments like this...
His snow-white eyelashes fall like a curtain, gaze heavily lidded, focused on the sound of Nanami's voice, of how his chest rumbles as he speaks. This is real and you're here, with me. ]
I've heard that one before. [ Soft, spoken into the intimate space between them, that belongs to them only. Fingers curl tighter into the front of Nanami's pajamas. ] Tell it to my subconscious...
[ It's the one part of himself he can't exercise perfect control. Sure, he could abuse his reverse cursed technique and sleep as little as possible, but that's hardly ideal, and besides...then he'd have to sacrifice these tender moments, and those he isn't willing to give up for the world.
Quieter stillβ ]
It's never gonna get easier. Is it?
no subject
But he also knows Gojo sometimes isn't as reassured as he is by the sentiment. Sees his own survival as a fluke rather than a right. Nanami can only say so much to that because it's true in its own way. They're both so lucky to still be here, to have another chance at life and even though they fought for it too β a large part of it is still luck.
At Gojo's words, Nanami lets out an amused huff because he knows how hard it is to convince the deepest, darkest part of you of what's true and what's not. That's why they're here in the first place, isn't it? There's no real shaking it off and moving on. It just gets buried and they grow around it instead.
Then there's his question and before Nanami answers, he lifts his hand from where it's laced with Gojo's fingers and cups his cheek instead. His thumb tenderly strokes his cheek and he leans in to press their mouths together in a sweet, soft kiss for just a moment. When the kiss breaks, he bumps his nose with Gojo's and lingers in his space with a soft sigh. ]
It will. The nightmares will become less frequent. The fear will grip your heart less. It just takes time. One step, then another.
no subject
He won't ever take any of this for granted again. For all he teases and pouts and whines to Nanami on a daily basis, it comes from a place of unyielding affection, for him; he's always made himself the biggest problem for the people he loves the most. It's a part of their push and pull, but it's far more deliberate than he lets on β he will never give more than he takes, or take more than he gives. Not when he still has the chance to be happy, to not be alone.
So Nanami's kiss is returned with warmth that speaks of something deeper than Gojo knows how to put into words, that occupies more space within him than Infinity ever could. ]
And then another, and another... [ He adds on, a ghost of a smile on his lips, fleeting. Like a cat, he butts the bridge up against his partner's, slow and affectionate. ] How are you so sure?
[ They're both hardened realists, forced to be, but he likes the sound of it. Of time making things easier. Maybe Nanami is right, and this time...it will be different.
(It's already different, with Nanami here.) ]
no subject
When Gojo responds by bumping up into him as well, Nanami just presses another kiss against the corner of his mouth, gives him another nuzzle. There's something so freeing about being able to share his affection with the other man even at nights like these where things feel cold and lonely. If Nanami is able to change that even a little bit for Gojo, he has succeeded.
His question gets an amused huff from Nanami and he lifts a shoulder in a shrug, sinking down against Gojo and nuzzling his face into his hair lightly. Then his head drops against the pillow Gojo is using, sharing it now and letting their eyes meet in the darkness like that. ]
I'm not but ... I only know that the grief has gotten easier for me. I can only hope it will do the same for you.
[ He thinks about Haibara, how angry and scared he was after the other boy died. How it was a big part of why he ran away. Yet the more time passed, the more action he took to feel like he had control over his life again β even returning to being a sorcerer helped β the more he felt like he made his peace with Haibara's death. The more he felt like he could keep moving forward.
Cautiously, quietly, the hand on Gojo's cheek moves to his neck and Nanami scoots forward a little until their noses are almost touching, their eyes making eye contact in the dark. Then, his voice, so tender β ]
I love you, Satoru.
no subject
Nanami's gaze is piercing, even in the darkness, and his words likewise; a fluttering warmth swells up in Gojo's chest, as it always does when he hears those words. When he's reminded that he's loved β that he's worth loving. There are few things so purely uncomplicated that can cut right to his heart like those three words.
He exhales, silent but for the gentle gust of breath that brushes Nanami's lips. ]
Kento...I love you, too.
[ It's a privilege to tell him, to remind him. He doesn't do it enough, but each time he does, his voice is raw with unfettered affection. He lets his eyes fall shut for a moment, simply...breathing, collecting the remaining vestiges of panic from his nightmare, the fingers of one hand curling into the fabric of his partner's shirt.
And then, breaking the silence again β ]
Sweet pookie pie...will you make me some tea?
[ :3 ]
what if i come back here huh what if
Which is why when Gojo breaks the moment with his usual brand of frivolity, Nanami does not get upset. No, he just gives the smallest smile in the dark before pulling back and beginning to push up from the bed. ]
Would you prefer herbal or black tea? Sweet, I presume.
[ He's going to take a moment before he gets out of bed, sitting up in his spot as he is, to run his fingers through Gojo's hair. A soft, gentle caress as he waits for the answer to his question. When he gets it, that's when he'll pull his hand back to move out of the bed, sitting on the edge to get his slippers back on his feet before pushing up from the mattress to start heading to the kitchen. ]
what if i come back here EVEN LATER
Hehe, you spoil me. [ You asked, Gojo!! ] Herbal for me...with the usual.
[ So, yes, sweet, the "usual" being some ungodly number of sugar cubes. Nanami didn't even really need to ask β Gojo would enjoy anything he brewed up for him, but the fact that he asks at all, even when he knows is just like him, isn't it? He's always so attentive, so caring, even if it isn't always in the ways people easily recognize.
Utterly unapologetic, Gojo clings to Nanami's hand as they make their way into the kitchen, his other arm winding around his partner's bicep, head leaning down against his shoulder. ]
Won't make it too hard for you to make it if I stay like this, hm?
[ Like a barnacle??? ]
we're winning at this we are
So, yes, Gojo barnacles himself to Nanami as they walk through the hall to the kitchen and Nanami only responds by turning his head and brushing his lips against Gojo's forehead as Gojo rests his head against his shoulder. ]
You're fine.
[ There's warmth in Nanami at the blatant affection being shown to him and he just feels pleased by it. He'll take it slow as he moves around the kitchen as a result, not wanting to dislodge Gojo. He moves to fill up with the electric kettle and get two mugs down from the cabinet along with the tea and the little jar of sugar cubes that is just for Gojo.
When he's done and just waiting for the water to boil, he'll just stand there, his head leaning against Gojo's as they wait together. ]
no subject
[ As though Gojo himself isn't feeling equally as soft, but unlike Nanami, he wears his aloofness differently. Nanami is structured and formal, Gojo chaotic and personal, yet he never let anyone too close, either. Well...most anyone. There are those who were already close to him before his walls went up, those who understood who he was, and who he is now. Maybe Nanami didn't always voluntarily sit in that seat, but he does so now. He stays, because he wants to, not out of some sense of obligation.
He's choosing to let Gojo close, to cling to him, and it means more than Gojo knows how to put into words. He's always been much better at expressing himself like this, anyway, with action.
His lips part to say something else, but he refrains, for once letting the peaceful silence settle like a blanket around them, listening only to the sound of Nanami's breathing, the rhythm of his heart.
It's nice to appreciate the quiet every now and again, too. ]